2/9

Today, I was very tired. I just returned from teaching a leadership training course to my scout troop and, while I spent most of my time that I was not teaching relaxing, I still tired myself out this weekend so that I was drawn to my bed by an incessant call to sleep. I managed to do 45 minutes of cardio workout yesterday. I used a stationary bike because my calves were in enough pain for me to fear the risk of injury. I have spent most of today relaxing. I meditated right after finishing a large dinner.

From today's meditation, I have improved certain aspects. However, for the most part, I was distracted. This distraction was not from external sources; my family was making noise, but it did not bother me at all. Yes, it drew my attention, but in a calm manner. This is different from a week or two ago when it jerked me away from my meditation. Additionally, I managed to find a posture that is not too upright and not too relaxed. It was steady, yet calm. It was a posture that seemed as if it were made specifically for meditation. While I found improvement in these areas, I had a difficult time entering a state of mindfulness. At times, I found myself hovering by the edge of mindfulness, but never quite entering. I was distracted by thoughts. I have a lot of projects due tomorrow, so I wanted to think of a rough plan to complete them all. Also, this weekend provided a lot of different things to think about.

Overall, I was consistently looking into the future rather than being in the present. I believe that while I did not achieve a deep state of mindfulness, I did feel relaxed following my meditation. It allowed me a moment to sit back and consider everything that had happened and that was going to happen. While this was not what I intended to do, I am still grateful that I had a moment to do so. In addition to this alternative benefit, I have found that I have been happier in the past couple of days than I have been in over a month. I believe that this can be primarily contributed to internal factors. While I found some happiness in seeing a lot of friends this weekend, I realized that what is making me the happiest is how I have changed my perspective on life. I stated in an earlier blog that I had gone over my values. I believe that doing so has greatly improved my mood and my cognition. I like to think of life as being a constant cycle of highs and lows, roughly resembling a sine curve (except not as predictable). I am glad to feel like I am on a high again, and I hope it stays for a while.