2/13

Today was an interesting day for me. At school, we had an experiment in psych, I received a good chemistry test score, and I gave a presentation to my English class. Overall, I felt pretty well, despite only receiving around 5 to 5.5 hours of sleep. I also had time to do a relatively easy workout after school (stairs, jog and interval runs). I am excited to see my older brother tomorrow and also I'm excited to start a workout plan (something that I should have completed a long time ago). 

I first tried to meditate for my final (required) reflection two days ago, but I ended up falling asleep. So I tried again yesterday and, once again, I fell asleep. My first response was to view these occurrences as not productive, but then I considered what my body was trying to tell me. I realized that everything that happens, even what seems to be mistakes, can serve as an indicator as to what your body/mind needs. If you're stressed, you need to take a moment to relax. If you have a craving for mcDonalds, you may have an unhealthy addiction to fatty and salty foods. If you have a sore muscle, your body must be repairing it. And if you fall asleep within a minute of laying down, you probably should sleep. However, my goal was not to sleep (that can come later), but to practice MBSR. So today, I decided to mentally block myself from falling asleep. When considering where I wanted to meditate, a thought popped into my head. I realized that I didn't like the meditation experience in the same place with the same conditions and the same position. I recognize that many people find such repetitive practices to be beneficial, but I personally prefer to be more relaxed about everything. I enjoy life most when I stop letting the details into my head and just do what should be done.  By practicing a less regimented lifestyle, I make myself pay attention to living life. With a predictable and ordered life, it can be easy to stop paying attention to life and all the experiences it has to offer.(I find it somewhat amusing that I just wrote that I prefer an un-regimented lifestyle, and yet I plan on joining the armed forces. I realize that there are many ways to meet military standards while living in a less regimented way, but it is still counter-intuitive.). With these thoughts in mind, I decided that, rather than go up to my room and meditate in my usual spot, I would go into my family room and meditate there.

At the beginning of the meditation, I was in the lotus position. However, I soon decided to roll onto my right side. I was comfortable on my right side, and yet not so comfortable that I would fall asleep. I experimented with laying on my side and stomach until I decided to stay on my side. I was very relaxed and felt myself slip into a deeper state of relaxation relatively easily. My thoughts were conscious at first. However, after a short period of time, I entered the stage of half sleep that was mentioned in yoga yesterday (Pratyahara). Essentially, I withdrew from my senses and allowed distant thoughts to murmur in my mind. I have done this several times in meditation, but I did not know what the term for it was until yesterday. Pratyahara is probably my favorite part of meditation; I always return to my senses with a calm mind and a rejuvenated spirit. I imagine this state as a frog in a river. While the frog can spend a long time at the bottom of a river, he still resurfaces, just enough so he can take in a breath, barely disturbing the water. During one of these small resurfaces, I pulled myself out of the state for a moment to check the time; I had somewhere to be. I then lied myself back down on my right side and reentered the state for a couple of minutes.

I felt the effects of this meditation for some time after the meditation. I came out of it feeling awake and focused, especially impressive considering that I have not received sufficient sleep in the past couple of days. I also felt that I had a more relaxed outlook and increased self-control.  These effects have continued to now, almost 4 hours after I meditated. Granted, they are less pronounced, but they are still there. I am glad that my mind so willingly enter this meditative state and I hope it will do so in the future. 

2/10

Today, I spent my time after school doing a lower body workout in the weight room. I decided to make a workout schedule to prepare for the CFA (Candidate Fitness Assessment) that I must take in order to apply to USNA, USMA, and USAFA. I have a lot of projects that are due this Wednesdat and a lot of other projects due at later dates, so I took advantage of the weight room as a time for me to be enjoying myself in the moment. However, I will not be writing about mindfulness in the weight room, but rather I will be writing about my evening meditation session.

I sat on the floor of my room in the lotus position and closed my eyes. However, I realized that my eyes seemed to want to be slightly open. I felt this happen, as my room was so dark that I could not perceive a difference between eyes open and eyes closed unless if I raised my head a bit. I was beginning to settle into this position when my phone received a text. My parents were not home, so I checked it to make sure everything was fine. After this distraction, I sat down and attempted to meditate again. However, I seemed to initially have some difficulty. I continued this until my phone went off. I answered it and talked for a few minutes with a friend of mine. After that, I decided that I would not answer my phone again. I received some more texts during the meditation but I chose to ignore them. After a while, I realized that I was having a lot of difficulty entering a meditative state. I determined the reason for this was that my mind was in the future. I recognized that my mind spends too much time in the future and that I should try to bring it back into the present. I opened my eyes and checked my clock: About 10 minutes had passed. I determined that I had enough time to try again, so I told myself that my mind was calm and attempted to be in the moment. I continued this attempt until I decided to take into account my surroundings. I opened my eyes and noticed that my room was considerably lighter than it was when I had started. I determined this to be due to the adjustment of my eyes to the dark. I looked up at the ceiling, taking into account the light from the moon, reflected off of the snow and up into my room. It was dull. I looked for a recognizable color, but all I found was an indistinct blob that could only be described as simply "light." I laid down on the ground and took in this new position. I noticed the feel of the clothing on which I had set my back and the new perspective of my ceiling; It still looked dull. In this position, I felt myself become lost in thought. I recognized thoughts of the how "first-world" my life is. These were not new thoughts, but they had been absent from my conscious for a while. The rest of my thoughts were forgotten soon after finishing my meditation, leading me to believe that they were unimpressive.

When I ended my meditation, I realized that I had completely forgotten about my phone. It took me a minute, but eventually I identified the cause for the feeling that I should do something. For those of you reading who do not know my habits with technology, I am not addicted to my phone. I actually find great pleasure in leaving it in my room for hours on end while I go off to do other activities. I have absolutely no games on my phone and I prefer to use computers for web browsing when I have one easily accessible. I do not know anyone who would call me addicted to technology in any way. The reason I was drawn to my phone is that I recognize that a lot of people may need to contact me right now for projects, family business, Scouts, and personal business. I cannot neglect my duties to the people in my life, so I feel obligated to at least make sure there is no urgent business.
After I decided to ignore my phone, I still experienced difficulty entering a meditative state. However, laying down on the ground really seemed to help. I'm not sure if it relaxed me enough so that I could meditate better or if there is another reason for my experience in the supine position, but I would like to experiment with this position a couple of times in order to determine whether or not it is an effective way for me to meditate. I feel somewhat refreshed after the meditation, but what I most enjoyed was sorting out my thoughts (which actually hindered my meditation) and the feeling I had while in the supine position. It was very relaxing and I found pleasure in the unimportant thoughts that rushed through my head. It may seem weird, but it is sometime pleasant to think of dull occurrences in life.

2/9

Today, I was very tired. I just returned from teaching a leadership training course to my scout troop and, while I spent most of my time that I was not teaching relaxing, I still tired myself out this weekend so that I was drawn to my bed by an incessant call to sleep. I managed to do 45 minutes of cardio workout yesterday. I used a stationary bike because my calves were in enough pain for me to fear the risk of injury. I have spent most of today relaxing. I meditated right after finishing a large dinner.

From today's meditation, I have improved certain aspects. However, for the most part, I was distracted. This distraction was not from external sources; my family was making noise, but it did not bother me at all. Yes, it drew my attention, but in a calm manner. This is different from a week or two ago when it jerked me away from my meditation. Additionally, I managed to find a posture that is not too upright and not too relaxed. It was steady, yet calm. It was a posture that seemed as if it were made specifically for meditation. While I found improvement in these areas, I had a difficult time entering a state of mindfulness. At times, I found myself hovering by the edge of mindfulness, but never quite entering. I was distracted by thoughts. I have a lot of projects due tomorrow, so I wanted to think of a rough plan to complete them all. Also, this weekend provided a lot of different things to think about.

Overall, I was consistently looking into the future rather than being in the present. I believe that while I did not achieve a deep state of mindfulness, I did feel relaxed following my meditation. It allowed me a moment to sit back and consider everything that had happened and that was going to happen. While this was not what I intended to do, I am still grateful that I had a moment to do so. In addition to this alternative benefit, I have found that I have been happier in the past couple of days than I have been in over a month. I believe that this can be primarily contributed to internal factors. While I found some happiness in seeing a lot of friends this weekend, I realized that what is making me the happiest is how I have changed my perspective on life. I stated in an earlier blog that I had gone over my values. I believe that doing so has greatly improved my mood and my cognition. I like to think of life as being a constant cycle of highs and lows, roughly resembling a sine curve (except not as predictable). I am glad to feel like I am on a high again, and I hope it stays for a while.

  

2/4

This post was made the day after the meditation occurred.

I was feeling really bad about myself before the meditation. It was as if I had lost sight of who I am and what my beliefs are. I no longer had an idea of what my ideal self is. I have felt these thoughts approaching for a while, but I didn't see an urgent need to address them until now. I prefer to handle myself in a certain way, and I finally came to the conclusion that I have been completely neglecting this way. So, I decided to take some time to relax, think about myself and my values, and meditate.

I entered the meditation in a relaxed state, having just reformed the basis of my values and beliefs. I felt secure, like I knew that I was on the right track to regaining a hold of myself. I sat down in the lotus position and began my mindfulness meditation. This meditation was very good because, unlike other meditative experiences I've had, I was able to flow into the experience really fast. I sat back and simply observed, thoughts racing by. I truly felt in the moment. I meditated for about 20 to 30 minutes.

After the meditation, I felt the reformation of my values had concreted into my mind. I knew who I was and what I wanted. It was a good feeling, and I took it with me for the rest of the day. I was able to facilitate my actions and reactions so that they more closely matched my ideal vision of myself. I took these feelings to my Boy Scout meeting, where I was surprised with having to stand up and speak in front of a group of younger scouts in order to promote the troop. I was shuffled from meeting to meeting the whole time I was at Scouts. I felt that I was having a lot thrown at me, but I still remained (for the most part) true to my reestablished values. I feel like I made a lot of progress and I hope to continue to do so.

1/31

This post is being made the day after the meditation occurred.

Before the meditation, I had been working on homework. I decided to meditate once I finished my math homework. Overall, I felt pretty good. I had began to condition for track and had sore muscles from mid-distance indoor track runs. While my body was aching (lower body from exercise the day of the meditation, upper body from the day prior), my mind felt fine.

I sat gingerly in the dark on my bedroom floor, avoiding causing my muscles pain. I assumed the lotus position with my back straight and, as usual, I relaxed my body after a period of time (maybe half way through). I measured my heart rate before meditation to be 77 bpm and then I closed my eyes. I focused on my aching muscles, taking in the feeling. I then tried advancing myself through the stages of meditation as described by Mr. Dean. However, I didn't make much progress. I felt myself wavering between stages, sometimes in stage 3 (daydreaming/ideas) while sometimes going all the way down to stage 1 (noticing the body). I meditated for a total of 24 minutes, from 9:27 to 9:51 PM. Throughout the entire time, I felt like I was on a roller coaster, going up and down. I felt like I was grabbing a warm stick of butter: the harder I grabbed on, the more likely it was to go flying away.

     When I finished my meditation, I opened my eyes and set a timer to 1 minute to find my heart rate. When the timer went off, I determined it was 74 bpm, about a 3.9% decrease from before. It wasn't much, but it was something. I generally have a high heart rate, especially for a runner. I've talked with other cardio athletes who say they are from 40 to 50 bpm resting. Now, I'm not conditioned cardiovascularly at the moment, but even when I'm at rest during running season, my heart rate is generally from 60 to 70 bpm. I know it isn't genetic because my older brother was much lower when he was in high school.
     Looking back at my meditation experience, I realize that what was keeping me from remaining steadily in stage 3 (and possibly moving on from there) was my effort to control the moment. I wanted to observe the moment, but I kept pushing forward, trying to force myself to go forward in the stages. Next time, I will recognize that I will naturally transcend from the stage and that I should not push myself along in meditation. While it was not the best experience, I still felt like I received some benefits from it aside from learning what I did wrong.
      When I went to bed around midnight, I felt fine. However, later that night, I experienced disturbing dreams. The first one started off with me talking to a girl. She was very attractive (you know who she is, Rahul), but she was talking with her friend about how they smashed Torahs at their summer camp (I think it may have been a bible camp, because I know that they were Christian. This was in no way an anti-Christian dream, it was coincidence that they were Christian). When they said that that's what they did, they looked over at me as if they were trying to not offend or upset me. I could see from the strain in their faces that they had realized that they had already offended me. They tried detaching themselves from the act, explaining that they did it for their forefathers. I attempted to be calm and said "You know, that could be very offensive to some people... like me." Now, for those of you who are not Jewish, the smashing of Torahs may not seem like something that would be disturbing. But to me, it is one of the most horrific thoughts I have ever had. Imagining the holy scroll, once exalted high on the bima (elevated platform in a synagogue where the Rabbi stands and where the Torah is read), being thrust with hatred toward the crippling ground is enough to make me feel sick. Such acts against Judaism appear to me as just below the Holocaust, showing similar disgust toward a group based solely on their identity and beliefs. The thought alone is enough to instantly empty my heart of joy. It is an incredible display of antisemitism, showing the savage rage that hatred can breed. For me, the thought is near the epitome of hatred. It's disgusting, making me feel as if I have a hole in my heart. Honestly, I don't feel capable of explaining it to the extent which it deserves. In addition to this, I had nebulous dreams that followed featuring me being ignored by the same people for no apparent reason. When I woke up, I had to tell myself that they had only been dreams. They have been realities at different times in the past, but for me at that moment, they were only dreams....

1/30

Today has been rather enjoyable for me. I did not have very much homework this evening, so I started training for the CFA (Candidate Fitness Assessment) and conditioning for track in the weight room after school. In addition, I had time to socialize leisurely with several friends via text messages and phone calls. Before I sat down on the floor in my bedroom to meditate, I considered two things: what Mr. Dean had told us in class today, and what Mr. Russell said in his comment on my 1/29 blog post. I decided to focus on experiencing and observing the presence, using the perspective given by Mr. Russell on how to deal with a noisy household. Additionally, I decided not to use a timer, but rather stop when I felt the time was right.

I sat down on the floor in my bedroom, assuming the lotus position in my dark room. I closed my eyes at 9:25PM, starting upright and observing how I felt physically. Because I had worked out a few hours before, I considered this observation of my physical well-being to be important. In addition to focusing on how I felt (temperature, blood, muscles, etc), I also considered how my body perceived different senses. It was difficult for me to avoid passing judgement and simply observe what my body sensed, but for the most part I found some success. Then, my mind began to wonder. Again, I tried to only observe the thoughts, nothing more. However, I found it difficult to do so. Perhaps I was mentally stimulated prior to meditating because I really wanted to direct my thoughts and pass judgement on the ones that appeared in my mind. When I felt myself attempting to control the experience, I did as Mr. Dean said and went back to a previous step, observing my body and how it felt. Then, I would allow myself to advance back to the next step. I went back and forth between steps for a while, achieving intervals of observing the experience, interrupted by moments when my mind tried to take control. During this time, I decided to lean forward because I felt my back begin to ache a bit. In addition, my foot went numb because I was accidentally blocking blood flow to it. I moved my foot to a different position in order to allow blood flow. At the beginning, I opened my eyes for several seconds to test how meditating with my eyes open would be. However, I determined that I would have a better experience with my eyes closed. 15 minutes into the meditation, while I was emerging from a deeper meditative state, I looked at the clock to check the time. I then felt a draw back to my meditative state and decided to continue meditating. The overall experience lasted about 25 minutes. I believe that I may have forced myself to stop meditating at an earlier time than I would have liked, but I believe that I still had a beneficial experience. While my meditative state fluctuated from shallow to deep, I believe I experienced a decent amount of deep meditation.

This meditative experience was much better than my most recent ones. I think that Mr. Russell's and Mr. Dean's advice really helped me be more successful in meditating. I did a rough measure of my heart rate before and after the experience and noticed a slight decrease in heart rate. However, I would like to actually find my heart's BPM before and after the experience so I have solid empirical evidence of the effects of MBSR. I hope that next time I will be able to go even deeper into my meditative state and spend more time in deeper meditation.

1/29

I approached my meditation with a bit of stress and distraction. I have a lot of work I need to complete today and I'm likely going to be working later than I would like in order to complete it. Naturally, working late produces a stressful reaction, so I decided that I could focus on reducing this feeling.

I meditated for 17.5 minutes a bit before 10PM. I sat in the lotus position on the ground in my bedroom. I relaxed for some of the time, but for most of it I had good posture. I decided to first focus on my breathing and then I shifted that focus to my posture. From good posture, I moved my body around, swaying from side to side and moving my upper body in circles. I paid attention to the muscles that allowed me to sway: both the ones causing the swaying and the ones facilitating my balance. I chose to do this rather than attempt to let my mind wander due to the distractions present. Essentially, there was a lot of noise from various sources and I determined that I would have the most success if I was engaging in something physical to keep my attention away from my ears. If I was a very experienced meditator, I would have went forward with my plan to simply observe my thoughts as they came to me. However, I knew that the distractions would have minimized my experience today with mindfulness meditation, so I decided to devote my energy into being mindful of my physical movement. While I felt my initial reaction of irritation to the distractions, I decided to filter these reactions. I decided that it was not worth being irritated with these distractions and that I should simply let my irritation go. I decided that allowing such trivial things would not be conducive to my health, and that my goal of greater control over myself could be advanced through this practice.

Overall, I felt like I made progress today. The distractions actually proved to contribute to my goals. I felt like focusing solely on the practice of control over my mind was a healthy exercise, and I would like to expand on it in further meditation exercises. In addition, I found the focus on my posture to be interesting. I enjoyed the increased mindfulness of my body. However, I would like to research further into the benefits of this before I substitute mindfulness practices over this. I'm glad that this session helped me with my goals, and I hope each following experience does, as well.

1/28

Before the meditation, I had a very exciting evening with my scout troop. Essentially, we created a kick-a** leadership group and I got the job I wanted. So when I arrived at my house, my mind was scattered, trying to reflect on the events of the night with mixed emotions about the future: I was both excited and anxious to see what the next 6 months would bring. I went up to my room and approached my whiteboard, erasing the neat columned lists of things I had to do. Now they seemed unimportant compared to my new task. I wrote down ideas and nebulous goals for my term, until I realized that I had the right ideas in my brain, just not a comprehensible organization. I thought for a moment until I decided that my aims might be better achieved through meditation.

I sat down on my bedroom floor; it was late in the evening, so there was very little light. I turned on my computer and searched YouTube until I found an audio meditation that I believed would be helpful in my meditation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DsjaXRbrMc). I plugged in my ear buds and then closed my eyes and assumed the lotus position, lowering myself into a comfortable position with my hands together, arms resting lightly on my legs with my back leaned forward and rather straight. I held this position, focusing on the audio. I sat there for some time, hoping my focus on the audio would aid me in reaching my meditative state. However, the more I focused on the audio, the more I realized that I felt as if my focus on the audio was keeping me from reaching a meditative state. It was like an anchor keeping holding me in a state of haphazard thoughts. I sat for as long as I could until I decided that I was doing it wrong. Rather than calming my thoughts, the audio seemed to be agitating them. Was the audio the problem, or was I? I opened my eyes, attempting to make sense of what went wrong. I then turned to my clock and was shocked to realized that I had spent only 5 minutes trying to meditate. This perplexed me because I felt as if it had been around 10 minutes. This made me wonder: had my meditation really worked? Well, considering all that I had experienced, I came to the conclusion that it had not worked, and that I should try again. However, I was tired, and decided that lying down in bed would be the best way to meditate. Of course, one might consider this to be a bad idea. Wouldn't I fall asleep? The answer is yes, I would. I suspect that I had a good idea that this would happen, and that it may have been my plan. Just minutes after putting my head down, I spiraled into deep sleep.

Clearly, this was not my best meditative experience. I was very unsuccessful, so I decided to come up with reasons that this could have been. In order from least likely to most likely, they are as follows:

• The audio aid was the problem
• I approached meditation with an audio aid in a way that would not support a successful meditative experience
• The excitement from the scout meeting made my mind restless to the point that my level of mental discipline would not settle it down 
• I was tired and just wanted to sleep, which was supported by my body's need for sleep and the lack of sunlight stimulating my pineal gland 

From an honest perspective, I would say that the last three bullet points all contributed to some extent to the failed experience. Meditation is a state that is experienced solely inside oneself, so the first place to put blame is on the meditator himself. I will review my goals and approach to mindfulness meditation before my next attempt.

A brief reflection on my meditation experience so far

After several days of participating in meditation, it is evident that it has some positive effects on the mentality of people, particularly teenagers participating in the International Baccalaureate program. I say this because I have experienced greater mindfulness, relaxation, and focus. However, I must also state that this may also be caused by my prior decision to improve these experiences. Before meditation, I increased my attention to controlling my actions and thoughts and attempting to be healthier mentally. This prior effort to achieve much of what I would like to achieve through meditation may affect the observed effectiveness of my meditation. However, I do believe that meditation has played a significant role in improving my mindfulness and relaxation.
     I would like to point out that, while I believe meditating has helped my mindfulness, it cannot make me achieve mindfulness. What I mean by that is that mindfulness is something that must be actively pursued. One cannot simply meditate and expect that that is a ll he must do to be more mindful of his thoughts, actions and reactions. Mindfulness can be made easier by meditation, but by no means do I believe that meditation will improve mindfulness on its own. Bottom line: mindfulness, along with many other mental functions affected by meditation, are not produced by meditation, but rather made easier by it.
     I am intrigued by the potential experiences of the meditation practices which I am participating in, but I feel like I am falling into a mindless practice. It is beginning to feel like an experience which I am used to. However, I would prefer to experience something new and creative every time. It is my belief that diverse experiences will provide more interesting and effective meditation experiences than mindlessly repetitive practices. It is for this reason that I decided that I will experiment with different types of meditation. I want to experience the maximum effects and therefore I will diversify my meditation practices. Additionally, I feel much better when I am experiencing new things rather than repeating the same old things over and over again; it keeps me sharp. I enjoy change, so I will begin to experiment with different meditative practices. Hoping this goes well.

1-26-14

Before
I just returned from the Boy Scout ski camp out. I am tired, but I feel good. A lot has been happening with my Boy Scout career that has been jumbling my brain, but it is not a necessarily bad thing.

During
The meditation occurred from 5:19 to 5:34 PM. I sat on my bedroom floor in an upright lotus position. However, as the meditation progressed, I relaxed my position so that I was not sitting up straight, but instead partially supported by my hands/forearms resting on my legs. It was very relaxing. I chose to participate in mindfulness meditation, allowing my thoughts to pop into my head on their own. I eventually was not having concrete thoughts, but instead abstract, unimpressive thoughts. I did not try to control breathing. I had many moments when I stopped noticing my senses. I remember actually realizing that I no longer noticed what my hands felt (they were clasped together). However, after I realized this, I soon felt them clasped together again. This taught me that it is important to simply let the meditation happen and that even small thoughts can interrupt the experience. Additionally, I almost fell backward or forward several time. I enjoyed leaving my senses. An interesting part of my meditation is when I come to my senses again; this time, much like my meditation on 1-24-14, I came to my senses right around when the 15 minutes were up. This time I opened my eyes to stop meditating about 2 to 5 seconds before the timer went off. Now that this great timing has happened twice, I think I should start varying the amount of time I devote to meditating at one time. That way, my mind will not become used to the practice and I will continue to experience meditation in a new way each time.

After
While the experience was "enjoyable", I do not believe it achieved what I was aiming for. I wanted a constructive meditation that would improve my mental functioning and open my mind to new experiences. However, this meditation felt lazy, like I was simply going through a motion. It offered little more than the feeling that I had received some rest. Overall, I enjoyed the experience, but I am not impressed, nor am I satisfied with the experience.

1-25-14

I was unable to truly meditate on this day because I was at a boy scout ski camp out and was therefore confined to a rather noisy cabin. However, I did have the chance to borrow a friend's noise-cancelling headphones and lay down in bed for some time to listen to music. I would say I spent about a half hour doing this during the time at which my cabin was at its rowdiest. I decided that truly focusing on the music was the closest I would be able to get to meditation, so I decided that I would try to really feel the music. 

     I listened to music primarily in Spanish and Hebrew. This is because I have very powerful emotions associated with both of these languages, making the words alone a beautiful sound to my ears. Also, it should be noted that much of those emotions are stimulated from the sound of the language; I don't understand very much Hebrew, but I could distinguish it from any other language. On the other hand, I understand most of the words said in the Spanish music I listen to. But I repeat, it is more of the sound of the language, not the so much the words, that stimulates an emotional response from me.

     While listening to the music, I tried to focus on the emotions that it stirred in my mind. I was not focused on understanding those emotions, I just wanted to feel them. It was like reliving a number of great memories by experiencing the emotional footprints that they left behind. It was not meditation for my mind, but rather meditation for my soul. I enjoyed it, as it made me feel jubilant. Additionally, it helped me separate myself from the haphazardness of the cabin and created a focused feeling of joy in my heart. 

     I tried to devote a stretch of time to this "musical meditation" but I was consistently interrupted by tasks or people calling out my name. However, when interrupted, I realized that, rather than react and be irritated, I was Sean Covey's definition of proactive. I remained in good spirit throughout every interruption and felt an enhanced sense of wholeness, as if I was doing what I was meant to do. It was a good feeling, and I hope I will experience it more often.

1-24-14

Note: This post was made 2 days after the meditation occurred. This post is majorly copied from a journal entry made directly before and after the meditation with minimal editing.


Before
I felt slightly restless, fuzzy in my mind, well-rested and overall rather relaxed.

During
I decided to do mindfulness meditation. At first, I was in an upright lotus position, but I decided to rest my forearms on my thighs after a while. I spent some time in a separation from sensory perception as I observed my thoughts occurring. At first, I was controlling my thoughts, trying to determine what I wanted to do cognitively during the meditation. However, I eventually decided to simply let my thoughts occur with minimum conscious interference. I began to come to my senses around the end of the meditation. I was about to end the meditation and open my eyes when my timer went off, telling me that 15 minutes had passed and that it was time to stop meditating. What intrigues me is what brought me back to my senses. I was observing abstract thoughts when the image of my floor, hands and legs suddenly firmly rooted itself into my mind. I was confused for a moment: I did not remember opening my eyes, and yet here this image was before me, the same one I would have seen if my eyes had been open while in my meditative position. It was strange because I could see this clear image and yet I could still feel myself away from my senses, deep inside my meditating brain. The image was very still, calming in its concrete permanence. But then, a wave came and disintegrated the image as I realized that it did not really exist, it was only a projection of my mind. After the wave erased the image from my mind, I emerged from the depths of my mind, back into my senses. It should be noted that the wave and my emerging from my mind were not images like my floor, hands and legs were: they were feelings, a separate form of existence from the images. The state I was in was like sleep: entering the state was not a moment, but rather a process.  Exiting  the state, however, can be defined as a single moment. I have interpreted this image, please feel free to do the same.

After
I feel relaxed and enlightened. My breathing feels deeper and I feel like I am in greater control of my thoughts. My mind is clear, similar to how it is after a deep sleep. I'm surprised that such a short experience could have such great benefits. Additionally, let it be  noted that while I am more focused and relaxed, my responsiveness is not impaired. While writing this, my house phone rang and I immediately went to pick up the phone. I actually believe that I responded faster than usual, despite my focus on writing this journal and my being in a relaxed state. It's almost as if I expected the phone to ring...

1-23-14

Note: This post was made 3 days after the meditation occurred. This post is majorly copied from a journal entry made directly before and after the meditation with minimal editing.

Before
Started out somewhat relaxed, looking forward to meditating. It should be noted that I was tired all day. Physically I am fine, but mentally I feel worn down, possibly from school.

During
I started off cross-legged on my floor. I had earbuds in and a meditation video playing (I only listened to the video) (the video I used can be found here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EQR0hMFbsk). I experimented with positions until I decided to lay on my stomach. I then moved from my floor to my bed (lying down on my back now) to finish the video. After the video, I remained in that position for about 20 minutes or more. At first, I was very distracted, especially when adjusting positions. However, when sitting cross-legged (with good posture), lying on my stomach, and lying on my back in bed, I experienced moments of calming detachment from my physical senses, entering a state that is similar to being half asleep. It was a comfortable, relaxing experience.

After
At first, I did not recognize the effects after the meditation. But soon, I realized that I had heightened self-control and understanding of occurrences and order, and a more relaxed, self-aware outlook on life. I am now unconsciously breathing slowly and feel relaxed throughout my whole body and slightly rejuvenated in my brain.

Meditation in the Military

The United States Marine Corps started using meditative exercises. Something to note about the military: when they develop equipment, training or exercises, they generally work. Their massive budget along with the fact that much of what they use will be relied on to save the lives of Americans makes it so that almost everything they use works great. It is to the extent that if you are into outdoor activities, buying military grade/ issue equipment (such as carabiners, boots, cold weather gear) is the best way to ensure that the equipment is quality. The marines found that meditation can help with PTSD, making decisions in combat, and even possibly reducing military suicide rates. NBC News published an article on it a little over a year ago. Check it out:

http://www.nbcnews.com/health/meditating-marines-military-tries-mindfulness-lower-stress-1B8050993

Meditation in Judaism - How a Lubavitcher Incorporates Meditation into Judaism

Interesting perspective on meditation as it pertains to Judaism. I found this on website devoted to the Chabad movement of Hasidic Judaism. I'm a Reform Jew, but I have come to value the teachings of Chabad and have developed an interest in the movement. It's a more intense devotion to Judaism than what I practice and it has intrigued me. It is written in a way that gentiles should be able to understand, so feel free to check it out.

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1442811/jewish/On-Mindfulness-and-Jewish-Meditation-Part-I.htm

1-22-14

The following was copied and edited from a meditation journal kept at the time of the meditation. This is being posted two days after most of it was written.

Duration: 15 minutes, 8:45 to 9:00PM

Position: lotus

Environment: bedroom floor, white noise from humidifier in the hallway, minimal distractions.

Before

Hyper, short breaths, dstracted, slight stress, slightly mentally and physically tired.

During

Started with awareness of surroundings, slowly lost that awareness as I fell into my own thought. I let my thoughts pop into my head and I consciously kept them moving. I chose to stop on certain thoughts to think more about them. It was similar to scrolling through pictures on an iPhone. I eventually was aware of breathing and posture as if I was somewhere far away, deep inside my mind. At times, I completely lost awareness of my body, only to receive subtle, distant reminders every so often. It was very relaxing and enjoyable. I used logical reasoning to consider different aspects of my life. 

After

I feel much calmer and even more aware of myself. My surroundings are now hardly drawing my attention. My mind feels like it went through a detox: it is clearer and more relaxed, similar to how it feels after a really relaxing sleep. I feel more like I am a part of myself now then a part of the surroundings, anchored to my mind. I feel more focused and relaxed. I should do this more often.

Goals

Before starting the meditation experience, I had a number of goals that I wanted to achieve. I was unsure if meditation would help me reach those goals, but given the number of accounts of the benefits of meditation, I was not too worried. My goals were(are) as follows:

• Enhance self-awareness. Being aware of myself physically, mentally and emotionally can have a number of great benefits. To me, understanding myself is one of the most important abilities that I can have. I believe that true understanding of myself will allow me to make better decisions and even be a better person. 
• Enhanced self-control.  In my life, one of the abilities that I value the most in myself is my ability to control myself. Self-control has many benefits and, in my opinion, shows a great amount of maturity. Any 5-year-old can react to events in his life; it takes a mature person to take a step back and decide what is the best way to act. Therefore, I decided that I want my meditation to be an exercise for my self-control.
• Relax. In the IB program, I am constantly looking at my schedule and wondering how I'm going to meet deadlines and maintain grades that meet my standard. I am often stressed because there is so much to do, and so little time. I plan on using meditation to take a step back from my surroundings and organize my thoughts. As I progress through each week, my thoughts become a tangled mess; meditation will be the means by which I untangle my thoughts and restore a sense of control and understanding to my life.
• Improve focus. Given the demands of school and extracurricular activities, it is important to be efficient while doing work. With an enhanced focus, I can be more efficient while doing work and thus get more done with my time. This is an ability that I can see having great effects on me in the future.
• Improve overall mood. Through meditation, I want to improve my overall mood. At times, life can be dull or upsetting; through meditation, I want to improve my dictation over my mind in order to maximize the time I spend in a good mood. Enhanced control over my mind and focus will allow me to rationalize life and minimize the impact of negative occurrences. 

I recognize that these goals are not necessarily measurable, but I believe that I will be able to tell if I am achieving them. Will I achieve these goals in two weeks of meditation?I have no idea. But I believe that through regular practice of meditation, I will be able to achieve these goals to some capacity. In addition, while I list those as my goals for meditation, I also must include one last goal: Enhanced understanding of MBSR. The other goals are what I plan on achieving through meditation AT SOME POINT. I have no idea when, but I believe that I will achieve them at some undisclosed time. For the two week assignment itself, I primarily want to improve my understanding of MBSR. Like Mr. Russell said, it's a widely researched topic with millennia of practice; when a practice has had such a large following throughout history, there must be something interesting to consider.