2/10

Today, I spent my time after school doing a lower body workout in the weight room. I decided to make a workout schedule to prepare for the CFA (Candidate Fitness Assessment) that I must take in order to apply to USNA, USMA, and USAFA. I have a lot of projects that are due this Wednesdat and a lot of other projects due at later dates, so I took advantage of the weight room as a time for me to be enjoying myself in the moment. However, I will not be writing about mindfulness in the weight room, but rather I will be writing about my evening meditation session.

I sat on the floor of my room in the lotus position and closed my eyes. However, I realized that my eyes seemed to want to be slightly open. I felt this happen, as my room was so dark that I could not perceive a difference between eyes open and eyes closed unless if I raised my head a bit. I was beginning to settle into this position when my phone received a text. My parents were not home, so I checked it to make sure everything was fine. After this distraction, I sat down and attempted to meditate again. However, I seemed to initially have some difficulty. I continued this until my phone went off. I answered it and talked for a few minutes with a friend of mine. After that, I decided that I would not answer my phone again. I received some more texts during the meditation but I chose to ignore them. After a while, I realized that I was having a lot of difficulty entering a meditative state. I determined the reason for this was that my mind was in the future. I recognized that my mind spends too much time in the future and that I should try to bring it back into the present. I opened my eyes and checked my clock: About 10 minutes had passed. I determined that I had enough time to try again, so I told myself that my mind was calm and attempted to be in the moment. I continued this attempt until I decided to take into account my surroundings. I opened my eyes and noticed that my room was considerably lighter than it was when I had started. I determined this to be due to the adjustment of my eyes to the dark. I looked up at the ceiling, taking into account the light from the moon, reflected off of the snow and up into my room. It was dull. I looked for a recognizable color, but all I found was an indistinct blob that could only be described as simply "light." I laid down on the ground and took in this new position. I noticed the feel of the clothing on which I had set my back and the new perspective of my ceiling; It still looked dull. In this position, I felt myself become lost in thought. I recognized thoughts of the how "first-world" my life is. These were not new thoughts, but they had been absent from my conscious for a while. The rest of my thoughts were forgotten soon after finishing my meditation, leading me to believe that they were unimpressive.

When I ended my meditation, I realized that I had completely forgotten about my phone. It took me a minute, but eventually I identified the cause for the feeling that I should do something. For those of you reading who do not know my habits with technology, I am not addicted to my phone. I actually find great pleasure in leaving it in my room for hours on end while I go off to do other activities. I have absolutely no games on my phone and I prefer to use computers for web browsing when I have one easily accessible. I do not know anyone who would call me addicted to technology in any way. The reason I was drawn to my phone is that I recognize that a lot of people may need to contact me right now for projects, family business, Scouts, and personal business. I cannot neglect my duties to the people in my life, so I feel obligated to at least make sure there is no urgent business.
After I decided to ignore my phone, I still experienced difficulty entering a meditative state. However, laying down on the ground really seemed to help. I'm not sure if it relaxed me enough so that I could meditate better or if there is another reason for my experience in the supine position, but I would like to experiment with this position a couple of times in order to determine whether or not it is an effective way for me to meditate. I feel somewhat refreshed after the meditation, but what I most enjoyed was sorting out my thoughts (which actually hindered my meditation) and the feeling I had while in the supine position. It was very relaxing and I found pleasure in the unimportant thoughts that rushed through my head. It may seem weird, but it is sometime pleasant to think of dull occurrences in life.