I first tried to meditate for my final (required) reflection two days ago, but I ended up falling asleep. So I tried again yesterday and, once again, I fell asleep. My first response was to view these occurrences as not productive, but then I considered what my body was trying to tell me. I realized that everything that happens, even what seems to be mistakes, can serve as an indicator as to what your body/mind needs. If you're stressed, you need to take a moment to relax. If you have a craving for mcDonalds, you may have an unhealthy addiction to fatty and salty foods. If you have a sore muscle, your body must be repairing it. And if you fall asleep within a minute of laying down, you probably should sleep. However, my goal was not to sleep (that can come later), but to practice MBSR. So today, I decided to mentally block myself from falling asleep. When considering where I wanted to meditate, a thought popped into my head. I realized that I didn't like the meditation experience in the same place with the same conditions and the same position. I recognize that many people find such repetitive practices to be beneficial, but I personally prefer to be more relaxed about everything. I enjoy life most when I stop letting the details into my head and just do what should be done. By practicing a less regimented lifestyle, I make myself pay attention to living life. With a predictable and ordered life, it can be easy to stop paying attention to life and all the experiences it has to offer.(I find it somewhat amusing that I just wrote that I prefer an un-regimented lifestyle, and yet I plan on joining the armed forces. I realize that there are many ways to meet military standards while living in a less regimented way, but it is still counter-intuitive.). With these thoughts in mind, I decided that, rather than go up to my room and meditate in my usual spot, I would go into my family room and meditate there.
At the beginning of the meditation, I was in the lotus position. However, I soon decided to roll onto my right side. I was comfortable on my right side, and yet not so comfortable that I would fall asleep. I experimented with laying on my side and stomach until I decided to stay on my side. I was very relaxed and felt myself slip into a deeper state of relaxation relatively easily. My thoughts were conscious at first. However, after a short period of time, I entered the stage of half sleep that was mentioned in yoga yesterday (Pratyahara). Essentially, I withdrew from my senses and allowed distant thoughts to murmur in my mind. I have done this several times in meditation, but I did not know what the term for it was until yesterday. Pratyahara is probably my favorite part of meditation; I always return to my senses with a calm mind and a rejuvenated spirit. I imagine this state as a frog in a river. While the frog can spend a long time at the bottom of a river, he still resurfaces, just enough so he can take in a breath, barely disturbing the water. During one of these small resurfaces, I pulled myself out of the state for a moment to check the time; I had somewhere to be. I then lied myself back down on my right side and reentered the state for a couple of minutes.
I felt the effects of this meditation for some time after the meditation. I came out of it feeling awake and focused, especially impressive considering that I have not received sufficient sleep in the past couple of days. I also felt that I had a more relaxed outlook and increased self-control. These effects have continued to now, almost 4 hours after I meditated. Granted, they are less pronounced, but they are still there. I am glad that my mind so willingly enter this meditative state and I hope it will do so in the future.
I have many comments, but time requires a limit. You seem very astute about your meditation experiences. I wish I were a sliver as aware as you seem to be when I was your age.
ReplyDeleteYou need to look at how to use variations of "lie." You were "lying down" not "laying down." You would not say, "I lied myself back down." Instead, "I lay myself back down." "Lie" means to be prostrate. "Lay" generally means to put down, as in "I lay the rug on the floor before I lie down."
Lastly, I have seen much research about the importance of mindfulness and hardiness (our next unit) in helping military personnel to cope with PTSD or other combat-related stressors. Such training beforehand can mean the difference between being psychologically damaged or not.
I hope I am "astute" about my meditative experiences because that is what I am aiming for (and yes, I did look up astute on dictionary.com). I feel like analysis of my experiences and the effects that they have on me will not only help me improve my meditative experiences, but my general understanding of myself, as well.
DeleteI recognize that PTSD is a serious concern if I choose to enter the military. My brother has told me how common it is. Many of his professors, including his former psych professor, have PTSD to some degree. Yet he tells me that some still go out of their way to go back to Afghanistan because they feel the work there can be completed successfully (I know a decent bit about the war, but not enough to confirm this belief). While you can't a soldier at heart from going to war, I do believe that you can equip him (or her) for what he needs to reduce the psychological impact. I do not doubt for a moment that MBSR helps cope with PTSD, and I'm glad that I am learning it now; if I choose to go military, MBSR could be one of the best practices I've learned. I hope that the military will consider teaching it to all deployed soldiers .