This post was made the day after the meditation occurred.
I was feeling really bad about myself before the meditation. It was as if I had lost sight of who I am and what my beliefs are. I no longer had an idea of what my ideal self is. I have felt these thoughts approaching for a while, but I didn't see an urgent need to address them until now. I prefer to handle myself in a certain way, and I finally came to the conclusion that I have been completely neglecting this way. So, I decided to take some time to relax, think about myself and my values, and meditate.
I entered the meditation in a relaxed state, having just reformed the basis of my values and beliefs. I felt secure, like I knew that I was on the right track to regaining a hold of myself. I sat down in the lotus position and began my mindfulness meditation. This meditation was very good because, unlike other meditative experiences I've had, I was able to flow into the experience really fast. I sat back and simply observed, thoughts racing by. I truly felt in the moment. I meditated for about 20 to 30 minutes.
After the meditation, I felt the reformation of my values had concreted into my mind. I knew who I was and what I wanted. It was a good feeling, and I took it with me for the rest of the day. I was able to facilitate my actions and reactions so that they more closely matched my ideal vision of myself. I took these feelings to my Boy Scout meeting, where I was surprised with having to stand up and speak in front of a group of younger scouts in order to promote the troop. I was shuffled from meeting to meeting the whole time I was at Scouts. I felt that I was having a lot thrown at me, but I still remained (for the most part) true to my reestablished values. I feel like I made a lot of progress and I hope to continue to do so.
As I said on the next post (I am working backwards), do not worry about wavering. I work hard on who I am and want to be, and I have been doing so for decades. I feel that if I did waver, I would become complacent and not attempt to improve. Down time could lead to a future launch. Listen to your feelings, both good and bad, but do not cling to either. They are just feelings, a small portion of your total reality, and sometimes they are just wrong!
ReplyDeleteBTW, use "concretize."
Yes, I agree that I shouldn't worry about wavering. I actually have kept a very close watch on myself for the past year and I recognize that wavering is simply part of life which is unavoidable. In addition, I agree with what you said about how not wavering would make you become complacent. i have had similar feelings several times. It is always helpful to remind myself of the value of such wavering. It's easy to be upset by the wavering; anyone can do that. However, I think it really speaks of one's person to view it as something greater than simply a hindrance, so that is what I strive to do.
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