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Before the meditation, I had a very exciting evening with my scout troop. Essentially, we created a kick-a** leadership group and I got the job I wanted. So when I arrived at my house, my mind was scattered, trying to reflect on the events of the night with mixed emotions about the future: I was both excited and anxious to see what the next 6 months would bring. I went up to my room and approached my whiteboard, erasing the neat columned lists of things I had to do. Now they seemed unimportant compared to my new task. I wrote down ideas and nebulous goals for my term, until I realized that I had the right ideas in my brain, just not a comprehensible organization. I thought for a moment until I decided that my aims might be better achieved through meditation.

I sat down on my bedroom floor; it was late in the evening, so there was very little light. I turned on my computer and searched YouTube until I found an audio meditation that I believed would be helpful in my meditation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DsjaXRbrMc). I plugged in my ear buds and then closed my eyes and assumed the lotus position, lowering myself into a comfortable position with my hands together, arms resting lightly on my legs with my back leaned forward and rather straight. I held this position, focusing on the audio. I sat there for some time, hoping my focus on the audio would aid me in reaching my meditative state. However, the more I focused on the audio, the more I realized that I felt as if my focus on the audio was keeping me from reaching a meditative state. It was like an anchor keeping holding me in a state of haphazard thoughts. I sat for as long as I could until I decided that I was doing it wrong. Rather than calming my thoughts, the audio seemed to be agitating them. Was the audio the problem, or was I? I opened my eyes, attempting to make sense of what went wrong. I then turned to my clock and was shocked to realized that I had spent only 5 minutes trying to meditate. This perplexed me because I felt as if it had been around 10 minutes. This made me wonder: had my meditation really worked? Well, considering all that I had experienced, I came to the conclusion that it had not worked, and that I should try again. However, I was tired, and decided that lying down in bed would be the best way to meditate. Of course, one might consider this to be a bad idea. Wouldn't I fall asleep? The answer is yes, I would. I suspect that I had a good idea that this would happen, and that it may have been my plan. Just minutes after putting my head down, I spiraled into deep sleep.

Clearly, this was not my best meditative experience. I was very unsuccessful, so I decided to come up with reasons that this could have been. In order from least likely to most likely, they are as follows:

• The audio aid was the problem
• I approached meditation with an audio aid in a way that would not support a successful meditative experience
• The excitement from the scout meeting made my mind restless to the point that my level of mental discipline would not settle it down 
• I was tired and just wanted to sleep, which was supported by my body's need for sleep and the lack of sunlight stimulating my pineal gland 

From an honest perspective, I would say that the last three bullet points all contributed to some extent to the failed experience. Meditation is a state that is experienced solely inside oneself, so the first place to put blame is on the meditator himself. I will review my goals and approach to mindfulness meditation before my next attempt.